Malaysian tea fields
We Need to Talk About Ryan
Last night marked my fifth dream in the last four weeks that involved Ryan Gosling.
Before the first dream, I didn’t have any kind of more-than-normal interest in Ryan Gosling. I thought he was attractive, and I liked his movies. For me, that’s true of many actors and actresses. So why am I dreaming about him in a fantastical way?
In the first dream, I was pregnant (not his baby), and I was at a bar, drinking beer. I was very pregnant, to the extent that I kept rubbing my huge belly and when I woke up, I was like, “Where did it go?” So I was 9 months pregnant and drinking a beer at a bar, and Ryan Gosling came over and started hitting on me.
The next night, I dreamt that I was in London and decided to go clubbing with some friends (!), and Ryan Gosling asked if he could tag along.
Then I went about two weeks without him showing up in my dreams. But when I was in Arizona last week, I dreamt about him twice:
I dreamt that I had an opportunity to meet him, and I told my friends that I was going to tell him about the dreams I’d had (meta dream!). They encouraged me not to. I did anyway. He was creeped out.
Oh, god, now I can’t remember the fourth dream. I know it was something very peripheral, though. Like the one about clubbing.
But last night’s dream was very involved! I dreamt that I was at the Philadelphia Museum of Art for an event about William Penn’s horse (..?) and Jon Stewart was there as a speaker. In the dream, I had been to a couple of Jon Stewart events at the Art Museum before. I was poking around, listening to other people tell him how much they love him, and I was rolling my eyes a lot. Jon Stewart saw me and said, “Mallory… how are YOU doing tonight?” I played it cool, but I was really excited that he remembered my name. Then, as I was poking around the William Penn Horse Exhibit, which was in a very Ivy League-esque room with dark cherry furniture everywhere, I spotted Ryan Gosling with a couple of his non-famous friends. During this part of the dream, he wasn’t really a famous person. He came over to me and we were talking and then his friends wanted to know where to get a cheesesteak, so I told them they’d have to come back to my neighborhood with me. We took a limousine. I painstakingly tried to explain to them that the parkway cut diagonally through the city. Before we got to our destination, I had made out with Ryan Gosling. Then it gets blurry. I don’t think anyone got a cheesesteak, and I think we all slept in the car. In the morning they all had to go back to their school. Ryan Gosling told me that he wished he was more into girls, and that we could have a relationship, but he was in love with one of the friends he brought with him. A dude. He said that he didn’t want the public to know, which is why he let himself kiss me… as a cover up. I was pretty surprised, and pleaded, “But I’m so androgynous! I could be even MORE androgynous if you want!” He told me that wouldn’t be enough.
I’m not sure how the next part of the dream transpired, but I wound up at their university, which was very English. It was called something that wound up being abbreviated to UKE (University of Kent… Esomething…), and most of the students were British. Some of them were British people that I know. I was a blatant outsider and for some reason this had the potential to get me in a lot of trouble. I had forgotten to wear shoes, and my toenails were painted purple, which was a problem for the part of the dream when I was trying to pass as a boy. Somehow it worked, though. There was a series of events where I was sneaking around the school, trying to stay hidden, sometimes as a boy and sometimes as a girl. Eventually I found Ryan Gosling, who was very busy and had somewhere to be. Then I found some other people that I knew. They took me back to a boys-only lounge area (much like the Griffendoor common room) and we talked about how all the boys at the school were all in love with each other, but it was a big secret. We ate cookies and Malcolm McDowell was there, too.
The End…?
